Winning entry in undeclared competition for Least True Thing Ever.

C: "You'd make a really great Republican, Mom."

Rhetoric win.

C: Dad, can you tell me whether there really is a Santa Claus?

Me: Yes.

C: Oh. Okay.

Me: Whuck?

V: {explains "Romeo & Juliet" is based on a Greek myth of two lovers who each think the other is dead}

C: Oh, you mean Pyramus and Thisbe?

Yeah, you, uh, said it.

P {discussing the idea of toplessness of women}: "That's the same as if a boy came to school totally naked. It's COMPLETELY disgusting."

C: "You said it, bro."

I can think of no other contenders.

C: Howard Jones was like the Elvis of the '80s.

Based on their apparent preparedness and coordinated response, that wasn't exactly their first death of the year.

P {watching "The Wizard of Oz"}: "Why would they need a coroner in such a small town?"

Mints. She means hard candy mints.

A: I'm ready for chokable things.

Misplaced aggression.

M. {after a potty training accident}: Are you sad?

E.: No.

M.: Well, then, what are you feeling?

E.: Angry.

M.: What are you angry at?

E.: Angry at my pants.

Linguistics 101.

E: "What because?" { = "Why?" }

Don't do it -- it's a trap!

P {on the way C's baseball game}: Did you remember to put on your cup?

C: Here, feel.

Yeah, good luck getting past the Consumer Attorneys lobby.

C: I think people sue too much. I think if you're suing there should be a judge who decides whether you should sue. Can you tell your boss or a judge about my idea so I can be a kid that changed the world?

I feel this is somehow a trick question.

C: Dad, do you like segregation?

D: No!

C: Me neither.

Cutest. Discussion of assassination. Ever.

C: So Franklin Delano Roosevelt died in his office?

D: Well, he died "in office," but that just means he died while he was president, not that he died in the room.

C: Oh.

E {interrupting}: Died in office?

D: Right.

E: Oh. Was he shoted?

An outlook that, while correct, we are surprised you espouse.

C: I think Lincoln was right and slavery is bad. Everyone should do their own chores.

Well, Beethoven was proto-punk.

C.: {Trying to figure out the notes to "Jingle Bells" on a toy piano.}  I know!  We could ask Joe {the organist at church}.  Or Shredder.

D.:  "Shredder"?  Who's that?

C.  The piano guy on Charlie Brown!