Solid deductive reasoning.

P: I wonder who decided to call a dice game "craps"?

C: Probably someone with terrible hygiene.

Because we know best what we love best. Duh.

E: "Dad, why is it you know the names of all the doughnuts?"

Only one part of that is right.

E {singing}: ♪♪ Happy birthday to me.

♪ I'm a hundred and three. ♪♪

♪♪ I don't think it's my birthday.

♪ Happy birthday to me. ♪♪ {repeat}

I see what you did there.

D: P, can you be an acolyte today? All we have down on the rota is "TBD".

P {smiling}: Yeah, that guy NEVER shows up.