I can't argue with that. Literally, not allowed.

C: "No offense, Mom, but sometimes I think you have too much power."

It gets better. Then worse. Then better, and then worse again.

P {describing middle school humor to C}: It's a whole new level of inappropriate after you take Family Life in 5th grade.

Mind. Blown.

P: What's the story of "The Mask"? It looks like it's a horror movie.

Me: Not really. It's about a guy who's kinda weak and ineffectual, and there's a woman he wishes would notice him, and he finds this mask that makes him confident and powerful, and he hopes it will impress the woman . . .

C: You mean like "The Great Gatsby"?

In fairness, they've been through a lot.

E: D, your feet are old because you are old.

C's "Sharing Thoughts and Feelings" Worksheet

Proud to have played a vital role in that historic occasion.

E: Remember when you scraped the car in the parking garage in Avila Beach?

D {ruefully}: Yes, I remember.

E {solemnly}: That was my first car accident.

Always do your best.

P {to C}: You're doing your best to annoy me!

C: No! {thoughtful pause} I could do better.

The day you first understood monetary supply policy is a big day in any boy's life.

Me: {explains alchemy}

P: But if you could just change a bunch of lead into gold, gold wouldn't have any value anymore.

Bite your tongue.

C: Dad, would you be sad if this was a dry county?

Right. The usual.

D {writing shopping list}: So, milk, and some kind of . . .

A: Alcohol?

{Aaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh.}

A: I am six. I have big big breasts.

Not the most gracious way to spend Memorial Day at a cemetery.

P {grumbling}: I don't even know anyone in this . . . zombie village.

Got me there.

Me {sympathetically}: I remember what it's like to be a kid. Trust me, I remember that it's not all fun and games.

P: Yeah, but it's even harder in THIS century.

Not gonna happen.

E {killing time on a car trip}: Gimme an I!

Everyone: I!

E: Gimme a C!

Everyone: C!

E: Gimme a H!

Everyone: H!

E: Gimme an iPhone!

Quite.

D: E, are you being contrary today?

E: No!

Not really a good reason to hesitate if you were given a clean shot.

P: If Hitler had never existed, a lot of people would still be alive today.

C {excitedly}: Yeah, and Anne Frank would still be writing her diary!

P {thoughtfully}: Yeah, but it would probably be pretty boring.

That's the spirit.

E: I played on the iPad.

C: Did you play Temple Run?

E: No, I gaved up it. For Lent.